This is what me sleep schedule looks like

The glory of the iPhone. It lets us do all kinds of things - shoot birds at pigs, track our calorie in-take, stalk our facebook friends from any location. For me, the most important thing the iPhone does is weigh down papers when it's windy. The second most important thing it does is keep track of and analyze my sleep patterns. I think this is worth doing even if you don't have narcolepsy, but it's pretty much required if you do.

So, you see that light gray horizontal line right through the middle of the blue screen on the left? That's my sleep goal which happens to be nine hours. Think about the last time you got nine hours of sleep. I'm assuming based on my known readership that most of you don't get that much very often. When I don't get nine hours, this app scolds me! It grades the consistency and stability of my sleep, and when I stray from my usual hours it gives me a bad grade, leading me into a downward spiral of shame and self-loathing. It makes me feel sorry for my students, because most of them are failures too.

If you look closely, you will also notice how much the month of July sucked in terms of "sleep debt." Thanks a lot UMasss Boston and specifically Professor Brown. I don't have much data from the school year yet since it's only 4-days-old, but on the far right you can see that teaching isn't doing me much good either.

So here is the question I constantly wrestle with: Can a single 26-year-old woman have a good social and professional life with an 8:30 bedtime? Based on how much fun I've had this weekend and the fact that I have not gone to bed before 11:30, I'm leaning toward no. Nonetheless, it's been an enlightening few days because I haven't been tired at all. Sure, I get to sleep until 9:00, so I'm still getting 9ish hours of sleep, but even at midnight I'm not that sleepy. As I said to a friend over lunch on Sunday, different kinds of energy come from different places. Maybe allowing myself to be with people and enjoy my waking hours will give me a kind of energy that can combat the deficits in my brain (stupid hypothalamus...). Then again, narcolepsy is a neurological condition. The power of positive thinking does not repair the damaged hypocretin producing cells in my noggin.

So, since this was a pretty serious entry, I will leave you with something hilarious and vaguely related: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jc20vMz0V7Q

It's important for you to know...

Here's the problem: I was really excited about this blog at first, but the longer I spent thinking about it, the less funny I could be about narcolepsy. I definitely don't want to have an entire blog about how much narcolepsy sucks, but I don't want it to seem like a walk in the park either. So basically, here is a list of a few quotes from other blogs that summarize why I don't think Narcolypso is going to be the comedic goldmine I had hoped...

1. "Narcoleptics do not sleep longer than normal during a typical 24-hour period, but their sleep is non-restorative" (from http://www.healthcentral.com/encyclopedia/408/509.html?ic=506048).

In other words, when you hear me say I got 10.5 hours of sleep last night, that does not mean I am well rested. It just means I was unconscious for a long time without getting any rest.

2. "Narcolepsy is depressing. Picture the life: You are intelligent, love to be active, involved, affectionate, and funny. But your illness makes you dull and slow. Mentally lethargic, you'd rather just listen to the conversation rather than participate. You can sometimes make it to the party, but the first thing you need to do is find a place to nap" (from narcolepticswife.blogspot.com).

Turns out a ton of narcoleptics are diagnosed with and medicated for depression for years before doctors realize that depression is not the problem. It's a symptom of a lifestyle that is just super unpleasant.

3. "And all of the people in my life, they got so mad at me. They told me I needed to get more sleep and eat right. I remember people telling me everything from how selfish I was for not doing things that I should have been doing, to someone asking me if I had a drug problem" (from narcolepsy-daily.blogspot.com).

Even worse than people actually saying these things is the constant paranoia that it's what they really think even if they aren't saying it.

4. "...[When] the potential to work for a person starts falling because of day-time feeling of sleepiness there are reasons that the person may...loose his or her potential to enjoy the positive things in life. A patient with narcolepsy can be compared to old people in the community who lose their status of being productive because of health reasons" (from http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1551231/are_depression_and_narcolepsy_twins.html?cat=5).

Again, the point is not to make people feel sorry for me in reading this. What I want is for people to understand the constant frustration of this condition, and why maybe I'm not as fun as I used to be before my body attacked my own brain, killing the cells that produce orexin 1 & 2 (small proteins in the brain that regulate sleep). More science jargon available at http://www.umm.edu/patiented/articles/what_causes_narcolepsy_000098_2.htm.

So there you have it: why Narcolypso will rarely be funny from now on.

Not related to narcolepsy, but...

...welcome to every teacher's fantasy world:

Worst Case Scenario

Hi __________s!

First of all, let's have a contest. Whoever comes up with the best nickname for my followers will win a prize. I'm torn between a one year member to the Narcolepsy Network ($30 in value) and a framed picture of me sleeping at a coffee shop (priceless). You know what, YOUR CHOICE! So post a comment with whatever you think I should call y'all and we'll see who wins what.

Anyway, today I spent 4.5 hours at a place that I am convinced was built by someone who hates narcoleptics. It is a perfect storm of sleep induction. That place is...

...Toyota of Watertown (Service Department)

Now, I have been here 5 times now and I believe I have napped there 3 of those 5 times. There are four main reasons that resistance is futile here.

#1. TV - Television is actually a stimulant and can make it hard for anyone to fall asleep. If "Wipeout" or "How to Catch a Predator" is on, I am glued to the screen! However, at T.O.W., the TV is always playing "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" and/or "Oprah." Now, those of you who have any critical thinking skills whatsoever are probably saying, Well Rachel, why don't you go at some other time of the day? You are a jerk for assuming I'm that stupid. I swear to you, I've gone early morning, midmorning, early afternoon, and late afternoon. It is ALWAYS one of these shows and I am always lulled into an Meredith Viera induced coma.

#2. Free coffee - Is it opposite day or something? Why would coffee make you tired? Well, http://www.beinghealthy.tv/archives/coffeearoma/ reflects results of a study showing that the aroma of coffee reduces stress. Relaxation = sleepiness (which is why I often fall asleep in Starbucks, which is a not-so-glowing endorsement of their product).

#3. The chairs - No joke, these are the greatest, most cozy chairs in the world. Even the one's next to tables, meant to keep you sitting up feel like a vertical bed. Once my ass hits one of those seats, lights out.

#4. The wait - If I am stationary for 4.5 hours ANYWHERE I am going to pass out. Fact.

I almost forgot; there's a #5 - The massive head injury sustained after slamming my head against a nearby Prius upon seeing this:
(Sorry it keeps flipping it sideways, but it's a bill for $699.97)

So what did we learn today: If you are trying to stay awake, stay away from boring TV, places the smell nice, and comfy seats. Try to move around, and it is better of you to slap Jim the service guy than it is to attack the Prius, which did nothing by love Mother Earth too much.

Anyway, this provided a nice study break from another thing that makes me sleepy, nomenclature in the early Victorian education plot. And yet, to that I must return.

Don't forget our contest!

Welcome to Narcolypso!

Hello friends. I'm creating a photo blog to bring attention to the severity and the hilarity of my narcolepsy.

For those who don't know, narcolepsy is a neurological disorder that causes sufferers to feel extreme drowsiness and fatigue during the day, often so severe that we HAVE to sleep and/or cannot fight off sleep. It also messes up sleep cycles at night.

Many of you are probably familiar with this youtube gem (if not, it's worth watching): http://youtu.be/-zVCYdrw-1o

Rusty the dog actually has what's called narcolepsy with cataplexy, which I do not have. Cataplexy causes a person to lose muscle tone when feeling extreme emotions. The terrible catch-22 of it all is: you hear a funny joke and laugh, causing you to fall down (since you have cataplexy); subsequently, you hear Carrie's mom in your head screaming, "They're all gonna laugh at you!" the extreme shame of which causes you to fall again; the cycle continues.

Sometimes the cycles ends more quickly though. Say you are being chased by a bear. That scares you. You lose muscle tone. You fall. Bear eats you.

Bear - 1 : Narcoleptics with Cataplexy - 0

Luckily, I do not have that...

Anyway, I hope this proves mostly educational, but also kind of silly. No, my narcolepsy will never go away, but it won't kill me either. It won't even cause physical pain per se. It sucks a whole lot and it is certainly inconvenient, but hopefully sharing my narcolepsy experiences with you will help me deal the stress of this disorder and will help readers understand how narcolepsy affects a person's daily life.

Feel free to post any questions you have about narcolepsy or bear attacks.